Self-esteem is the subjective evaluation that each person makes of themselves. In other words, it is the set of ideas, beliefs and feelings we have about ourselves. In simple terms:

• have a good self-esteem corresponds to a good opinion about us
• have low self-esteem It implies difficulty recognizing your value and feeling good about yourself.

Yes. People with low self-esteem, due to this set of beliefs they have and the way they see themselves, are prone to suffering from a series of mental health problems, specifically generalized anxiety and depression.

Clinical psychologist Helena Paixão states that all of this can generate problems in relationships, “either due to a great emotional dependence on others or because they remain in toxic or abusive relationships due to the conviction that they do not deserve a better relationship.”

Science shows that people with good self-esteem are happier, more successful, have better interpersonal relationships, and are less likely to become depressed. “Self-esteem can function as a protective shield or, if we want, a kind of mental, emotional and relational immune system that protects us from mental disorders,” says the psychologist.

“The lens we have today in relation to ourselves has been built since childhood. Not only because of what others said about us, but also because of the way we interpret our experiences,” explains Helena Paixão.

Then, throughout life, we also have a set of experiences that influence self-esteem. “Painful or traumatic experiences – and trauma equals anything that impacts us and, for various reasons, we are not able to process and overcome – can have a very negative impact on self-esteem.”

Healthy, loving relationships with parents and caregivers, as well as with teachers and educators, are crucial, “whether because of the way they love us, provide security and care for us, or because of the beliefs they transmit to us, about ourselves. and the world.” around us.”

The psychologist also adds that “parents who support (without comparing), support (without judging), set limits (with love) and open a space of acceptance and conscious communication usually foster healthier self-esteem in their children.”

On the other hand, teachers and educators also have an important role in building self-esteem “through the support, acceptance and recognition they provide (or lack thereof) and through the way they transmit our skills to us.” schoolchildren.”

Science highlights some experiences or contexts that are relatively common for people with low self-esteem. What is described in the books is the same thing that the psychologist Helena Paixão finds in her experience of clinical consultation. Namely…

• …negative experiences in childhood and/or adolescence, such as constant criticism or comparisons, physical or emotional abuse, abandonment or lack of emotional support…
• … environments with a lot of competition or excessive criticism, such as school, sports activities or workplaces where there is marked competition, harsh criticism or recurring comparisons…
• …traumatic experiences, such as intimidationmajor losses or public failures…
• … contexts, groups or social environments that excessively value the cult of physical appearance, financial success and other (unrealistic) standards of perfection and beauty.

A person with low self-esteem is someone who does not like who they are and how they are, that is, they have a negative idea of ​​themselves. Helena Paixão says that there is a set of very typical beliefs and behaviors:

• He has a tendency to devalue himself, overvaluing the opinions of others;
• Feeling excessive insecurity and living with a feeling of inability or insufficiency;
• You are very afraid of rejection and tend to repress your own emotions and needs to please others;
• You often have the idea that you are not worthy of love and have a hard time accepting praise;
• Has automatic comparative thoughts, considering that others are better and/or more capable than her;
• She tends to be overly critical, both with herself and with others;
• He expresses difficulty in recognizing his achievements and, above all, his value as a person;
• You are extremely sensitive to criticism and feel shame and inadequacy even when the criticism is constructive.

The ideal is to find a mental health professional who can help in this process. However, Helena Paixão leaves some ideas that you can take into account and try to put into practice on your own:

• Increase self-knowledge and identify values, needs, character strengths and points of vulnerability;
• Live a life aligned with our values ​​and needs;
• Prioritize self-care, turning it into a lifestyle;
• Practice assertiveness and set personal boundaries;
• Cultivate self-compassion;
• Regularly cultivate a loving relationship with ourselves, not from a perspective of perfection, but of growth and evolution.